Welcome to Planet Cancer, where nothing is as it appears, and the unknowable is always seeking to be known. Dear friends, I’m here to report this still sucks, but maybe a little less or more, depending on multiple variables that I have no control over and barely understand.

The good news is that the blankets are warm and everyone seems really nice and wants to be extra kind to me. Unfortunately, that makes me want to cry. See, I told you, nothing is making sense around here.

The latest is:

Yep, you read that right. A typo on the pathology report. That was from my surgeon, who was enjoying a well-earned vacation. I have no idea what else she accomplished this year, but if I could buy her a week at an all-inclusive for her steady hand and clear communication during my treatment, I would. She did follow up with the pathologist. It was a typo.

Based on this typo, that I didn’t know about, Oncologist 1 just looked at the number and signed me up for chemo. He seemed to be reviewing the report for the first time while I was sitting there. I might say “skimmed it”, but that is probably harsher than I actually feel. He was really nice, and it wasn’t his mistake, but yeah. that happened. Hade to share.

Oncologist 2 (my second opinion because I’m following the rules of this new planet), asked why it was T4 when I didn’t have what T4 meant after reading the actual report. “Ummm…I don’t know, I’m new here. I know not of your ways!” Before I was diagnosed, I only had a vague sense of the new cancer stages that went beyond the 1-4 you see in movies. If you’re interested, you can find more details here.

Guess which oncologist I went with?

Regardless of her questions about the pathology, Oncologist 2 still thought I needed chemo at our first meeting. I was ready on Tuesday to get my schedule and get this thing going. I’ve got my brows done, books on chemo read, and a wig fitting on the calendar. I’m ready!

Guess what.

Based on further testing, a corrected report, and a consult with a renowned expert, Oncologist 2 doesn’t think I need chemo. She encouraged me to get another opinion from another renowned expert for peace of mind and put that referral in for me. I'm trying to absorb how a typo of such meaning happened. I don’t think it has fully hit me.

But WAIT THERE’S MORE!

On Planet Cancer, the thrills never stop. This was all before the results of my latest scans. It seems like there could be something, but maybe nothing there, so I get more scans. These are more pricey ones so insurance approval is pending.

My little Demon Toddler is grade 1. Slow but committed based on the size.

My radiology appointment is next week, but I’m unsure if I can move forward with that until after I know what I’m doing with chemo, which will be informed by scans currently in review with United Healthcare. (I’ll keep Doctor names out of this but not insurance companies that delay care.) Round and round we go!

I’m not outraged, even though this all feels outrageous. I’m as concerned as ever, even though it seems like I should be relieved. I’m drowning in medical journals and consulting Dr. Google. I swore I wasn’t going to go into medical details because it is pretty boring to get up to speed on the details, and it puts people I love who are not steeped in information in the dangerous territory of saying the exact wrong thing. For your own safety, please, no hot takes on what you think I should do unless you are a doctor, and you should probably shush if you’re not an oncologist who specializes in lobular breast cancer. It really isn’t good news or bad news; it's just news that yields more questions. Clarity would be the gift.

I also broke my $2 sugar jar that I love today and saw these beauties from my neighbors push through the fence for the first time. I’m not supposed to have a wood fence near the house due to wildfire concerns, but it looks so pretty. I’m not supposed to have sugar or even fake sugar based on the latest studies, but sometimes I need something sweet. It all seems related somehow, balancing a life well-lived with a life lived long in big and small ways. It makes sense to me here on this planet I hope none of you need to visit or revisit any time soon.

I’ll keep you all posted.

If you’d like to read more about the latest on to chemo or not to chemo here is a good article. https://www.yalemedicine.org/news/chemo-for-breast-cancer

The test that says no chemo is an Oncotype approved for tumors smaller than mine. Here is some info on the latest thinking there on size and oncotype. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0360301623054822